My commenters have saved my life. The advice I’ve received and the personal stories that have been shared with me have very literally changed the trajectory of my life, and of the lives of the people that I spend the most time with. Because of you guys my daughter has a mom who is not crying and yelling all the time. My husband has a partner who can make rational decisions. I have dreams now that I am certain will come true, whereas a few years ago I had none. It may not seem like much, leaving a comment here in my little corner of the web to say, “I had that too! Here’s what worked for me,” or “Here’s the science that shows why that isn’t working,” or “I know it’s hard, but keep going.” To me, these comments are everything.
I also get some really mean comments on here, wishing me death or mocking my writing style. Those comments don’t get approved so they don’t show up among the published comments. I sometimes wonder if I should publish them and make this place more entertaining – add a dash of drama – but then, I don’t want to give trolls the attention they’re seeking. Unfortunately, there’s a shock-factor to meanness that makes it memorable to me, and I’ve let some of these comments reduce my self-expression. Today I became aware of the fact that I’m writing less now, avoiding posting on here unless I have something important to say, so I don’t have to hear mean stuff about the irrelevance of my blog.
I also became aware of how stupid that is. This is my life. I get to write on here whatever I want. Nobody has to like it, and I guess people are free to be mean if they don’t like it. But to the mean commenters, I ask you: Is your life better after you’ve been mean to well-intentioned people on the internet?
“It is not about winning. It’s not about losing. It’s about showing up and being seen.”
I’m going to write more from now on. And a lot of it won’t be perfect. The purpose of this blog was to raise awareness in the world that if you’re tired of being sick, there are options for you outside of mainstream medicine. It was also to be a journal for myself – a way to track my own progress over time, so I could look back when I needed to see what I was doing a year ago, or two years ago. Mean people can keep being mean – I’m not going to let them stop me anymore. To my friends in health, I honor you and am eternally grateful for your insight, intelligence, and support.