Well, my depression and fatigue continued a couple more days.  Also my weight started trending up even though my diet didn’t change.  A glance at the data I keep indicated all of this turned for the worse when I added prebiotic fibers to my world, which suggests I managed to re-grow something (or someone) – some kind of unwelcome visitor in my gut, some type of bacteria or pathogen.  So I decided to take antimicrobials for another couple of weeks to kill whatever I managed to grow with the prebiotic fibers.  I’m about 5 days into that now and feel much better.  In the last 3 days I’ve lost 3 pounds (finally below 190) and the fatigue and weepiness are gone.

My NBT coaches indicate a very low and slow approach to adding fiber might be best.  Honestly I’m not ready to add it back in yet.  That was a pretty aversive experience.  I’m thinking of just adding probiotics for now and gradually – super super gradually – adding in one form of fiber.  I’m talking so gradually that it’s almost imperceptible.  Like you can barely see it on the spoon.

I’m excited about things in my life right now. I’ve been learning biochemistry using Bryan Walsh’s Metabolic Fitness Pro videos – they’re very dense but awesome and not impossible to follow for a lay person like myself.  I also find myself exposed to people who are using the same medical interventions I’m using on myself, but to treat children with autism.  This coincides with the work I do for a living, and has become immensely interesting to me.  I’ve decided to use all of these tools to create resources for parents.  I’m not sure how this is going to look yet, but I’m sure it’s going to be great.  It feels like doors are opening for me.  I could never have taken on a project like this while feeling as sick as I did back in December.

There have been other psychological changes as my health has improved.  I’m much more patient and understanding now.  I have the energy to look people in the eye and listen to them, sensing what they need and giving it to them.  Previously I was in such a dark place that I could barely look up.  Sometimes it was hard to leave the house knowing I’d have to see people.  I was so tired and irritable all the time, I was a toxic burden on society.  It helps me to understand something I’ve always heard and known at some level…people who are behaving badly are in pain.  The badness of their behavior is proportionate in severity to their pain.  Feeling so much better is making me into the person I’ve always seen myself as but couldn’t quite bring myself to be.

This is worth whatever it costs.  If you’re reading this and you’re on the fence about whether you’re worth spending the money, the time, or the effort on, you are.  Just do it.  If not for you, then do it for everyone you encounter.  When you’re sick the world is scary and you react to it in a fearful manner.  When you’re well you can do whatever you’re supposed to be doing and make it better.

3 thoughts on “Psyche

  1. Lets get you all learned up so we can start unlearning 🙂 What? there are no sodium channels damnit…

  2. Pingback: Clinical Rounds week 17 | Nourish Balance Thrive

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