Many times I’ve thought about just stopping with this blog. Lately I’ve had that thought on a daily basis. I know it’s not that big a deal to anyone but me whether or not I keep it going. I don’t know if anyone actually reads this anymore…cept a couple folks (and thank you to them). But not just that…This blog hurts these days because I want to be able to come back here and report good things…report that I’m killing it and losing weight and getting healthy. Report that at least one of my schemes is a good one. I can’t do that though, and it’s embarrassing. I’m embarrassed by my flailing around.
I’m fat because I eat too much. Why do I eat too much? I’m not sure. Sometimes I just feel driven to eat. When I’ve actually tracked my calories for very long it’s clear that I’m fat because of how much I eat. I’m one of those shameful fat people that just can’t say no to food. It’s embarrassing.
So why do I come here and embarrass myself by announcing it? I don’t know that either.
I try to tell myself this isn’t a personality problem, but I’m not completely sure about that. My head tells me there’s a biological problem or I wouldn’t be driven to overeat. Maybe it’s a nutritional deficiency. Maybe it’s excess cortisol from all the stress again washing over me. Maybe it’s a sluggish thyroid. Maybe it’s poor amino acid supply. Maybe it’s being perimenopausal. Maybe it’s all of these things and I’m completely fucked. I suspect that’s the case. I don’t like to think I’m fucked though. I keep trying and trying and failing.
Fall down 7 times, get up 8. – Chinese Proverb
I don’t know what to do.
I feel like I suck.
The first person that comments on this post with advice for me, I will follow your advice for 1 solid week and I will report back how I feel. Please make it reasonable advice. You know…not like eating ants or taking ice baths. Thank you.