Why Bother

At this point, I’m not sure why anyone would bother to read this blog.  The stress of my current life situation has resulted in a complete and utter inability to regulate what I eat in any manner.  The other day I ate a sandwich.  Yes, a sandwich.  With bread.  I was in the middle of 10 hours out and about, visiting clients’ homes, and I was hungry.  I couldn’t deal with getting yet another McDouble hold the ketchup and tossing the bread.  Yes, I know how to do this.  I know how to eat paleo, but for chrissakes I just don’t want to sometimes.  Sometimes I just need, desperately, for something to feel good, to provide a tiny bit of pleasure in my otherwise long and stressful day.  I realize I’m making excuses, and I’m not under the illusion that I’m a victim here.  I have options.  I just don’t have time and I’ve reached the limit of my ability to cope effectively with things.

I’ll keep trying.  But I suspect the only way I’ll be able to get my health on track is to make my work life less stressful…which is probably going to entail leaving this job and California.  I’ll be meeting with my boss this week.  About 6 weeks ago I emailed her and told her that we (husband and I) are struggling to keep up with the job and could we please stop getting additional work added to our caseload until we’re better at the job?  She called me to ask me a question about the email but has not made any attempt to make things better, and since then both of us have gotten additional kids added to our caseload.  Now she needs us.  The company needs the certification we both hold in order to get paid more for some of the kids we serve, so now we have some leverage.

I’m tempted to leave at this point, regardless of what she has to say.  I suppose it makes sense to wait till we have some more money saved or another job to go to.

Pointless updates to come.

2 thoughts on “Why Bother

  1. A lot of people are in the same boat as yours. So you think you are the only one with a stressful job? Haha. So you had a sandwich. Big deal. Today is another day. Maybe someday something will click maybe the thyroid maybe something else. Then I could try the same and so could others. Maybe you can negotiate your hours so you get some free time to enjoy the small pleasures in life. You need it to get those cortisol numbers to come around. Good luck.

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